.....
I GOT BORED OKAY!?
Pretty crappy story that ive had in my head for a while, so I thought i'd type it up.
Tell me if its bad or good, and seriously be honest.
Basic storyline:
Elise is about 17. The world is in a bit of a crisis...the world has frozen compeltely over. Most animals have become extinct and there isnt much plants around either. Even worse, tehre are some monsters, infected beings going around.
But don't worry, it isnt jsut about that. She meets some strange dude who tells her strange stuff and she has to do strange things for the world.
...
OK WTF THAT SOUNDED REALLY WRONG
Well, you guys know I didnt mean it in that way
Well, here goes..
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"Can you see anything, honey?" Elise's mother whispered through the phone
"Erm. Well. Lets see," Looked around, the wind blowing her long, messy black hair everywhere "We got..snow...snow...snow..OH, and snow. If I look real close, you can see..SNOW!"
"Elise! Be serious" Her mother hissed
"Alright...OH WAIT I FOUND SOMETHING!" Elsie gasped
"WHAT! WHAT!"
"...ICE."
"....Elise, do you want to SAVE THE WORLD or what?" Her mother said.
Elise rolled her eyes, her mum always pulled that 'lets save the world!' card. It was too late anyway, the world was pretty much over. It had frozen over, the whole planet covered in ice and snow. The sun barely came out, as it was forever covered by gloomy dark clouds. It never rained. Plants and animals were almost non existent. Apart from the infected.
"Mum the worlds dead already." Elise said flatly
Her mother let out a dramatic gasp "ELISE! Honestly. You're so dramatic!"
Elise faceplamed herself. "Yeah. I am mum. I really. Really. Am."
"Well, let me know if you find anything." Her mother said frositly before hanging up.
"Elisie! Do you wanna SHAVE DA WURLD!?!?" Elise mimicked her mum as she shoved her phone into her bag, and swung it onto her snowmobile.
She looked around. All she could see was miles and miles of pure white snow. It was really cold, so it was a good thing she had her warm orange jacket on. She put up her fur hood and got onto her snowmobile.
It was hard to believe through all thisf rost and snow that Elise was in Africa. She was here because her mother anf father were researchers, looking for more material to research on. And that material was the infected.
Elise wiped the ice off her cold pale face and got onto the snowmobile. Whatever. Her mum cared mroe about mutated crap than her.
Suddenly, a loud horrible screeching roar echoed behind her. Elise screamed and fell off the snowmobile into the snow, and there she was staring face to face with an infected.
"Oh crap." Elise whispered in fright, crawled back as fast as she could. The grotesque mutated gave out another roar before staring at Elise right in the eyes..and ehaded for her
"crap." Elise kept saying to herself as she made a dive for ehr bag and fumbled inside it. "Huh..Where is it..WHERE IS IT?!" Elise screamed to herself, as the monster reached out a bloody, clawed huge hand towards her. Elise rolled out of the way and got up, getting scratched i nthe process. She started rumaging through her bag. "GOT IT!" She shrieked and held out the weapon. It looked like long silver gun, with a small satallite o nthe end. Turning her face away and holding the weapon with two hands, she pulled the trigger, and a huge blue laser blasted out of the gun, elecctric sparks flying out of the beam. The monster was caught mid attack, and it screamed in agony. The nthe laser stopped. Elise was breathing loudly, her heart thumping. She slowly opened her eyes. The monster was lying i nthe snow, its blood staining the once whtie snow.
"Oh my god.." Elsie whispered to herself. She took out her phone and called her mother
"Mum. Erm. Yeah. I found something..."

It was night already, and elise was riding her snowmobile. Her mother had came over straight away, and diecided to do research onthe infected right there i nthe snow. She didnt even ask how Elise was. This left elise in a big fat mood.
Then something pinged on her radar. Elise stopped and got off the snow mobile and trunged through the deep snow to the spot where the radar had signalled soemthing strange. Nothing. Elise took out a shovel and stabbed the snow...and hit something hard. Elise stroked some of her hair behind one ear and started to dig. It wasnt long till she got to some metal thing. It didnt seem that strong as the shovel left a bit dent in it. She knocked onto the metal. It seemed hollow. Elise pulled out her satallite gun and shot the metal, and then poked her head through the hole and gasped.
It was actually a roof to a huge frosted room. It seemed empty and abandoned, and looked like it was falling apart. Wires hanging off the ceiling, snow covered most of the floor. Elise took her bag on her shoulder, looking at the hole. Should she jump in? Elsie thought about calling her mum to tell where she was, but shurgged it off.She wouldnt care anyway.
Elise jumped through the hole, and it turned out the roof was hgiher than she thought. She landed onto the floor hard.
She got up, rubbing her head. She looked around
"Woah.." She whispered, and her quite voice echoed through the empty large building. "Woah times two.." Elise said as she saw what was at the front of the metallic bulding. It was a giant, glowing...orb. A circular ligh, trapped in thick solid ice. Elise walking up to it and put her gloved palm onto the ice. She knew the orb was slowly moving, because she felt the vibrations through the ice. It made a quiet, low humming sound. "What the heck is this?"
It was silent. Then, the sound of chains suddenly broke the silence. Elise spun around and gasped
"...W..whos there..?"


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Just a short taster. Tell me your thoughts. I don't want to spend ages typing up one long
story that no one thinks is interesting x)
And don't worry..if this story fails...I have more up my sleeve MWHAHAHAA! *lightning and evil music*

It seems like it could be a great story. I like the idea.

My main criticizm is simply to work on syntax and style, but that will just come with time and practice. I would recommend reading it outloud to someone so that they don't have a chance to read over it multiple times and see how they think it sounds. This will help with the flow of the language. There's a bajillion grammar issues, but I think that's just because you were typing really fast.

But all in all, I'll be interested to see how it turns out. You've got a great start.