So I'm digging through my collection of NES games, and discover I have a hell of a lot more of the bloody things than I originally intended. Cartridges galore. Seeing as how they were collecting dust, and possibly diseases, I decided to pop them back into the old Nintendo Entertainment System and give them one last shot.

This is my tale of adventure and horror, as I go through my NES collection in alphabetical order. Brace yourselves...





Ok, the first game on my list is a Football game. Anybody who knows me can tell you that I'm not a big fan of sports games. But that's not the point of this review series. It's all or none.

So... 10 Yard Fight. You know, when I think of Football, I think of the struggle over a single ball. Attempting to gain control of it and run to the other end of a looooong field, in order to score a goal.

Well, this game got half of it right. Right from the get-go, the opponent is kicking the ball in your direction, just like your average kick-off. Not too bad, considering the game is over a decade old.

I get the ball, run down the field, get tackled at the 50 yard line. No problem. Hell, that's pretty damn decent if you ask me. Here's where things hit the blender.

First off, it throws me right back onto the field. No strategy or play selection. Nothing. Just "ready go!". Fine. I'll excuse it because you're so old.

I hike the ball, pull back, throw it... and it's intercepted. At this point I'm cursing obscenities at my screen. I haven't had the ball ten seconds, and it's already in the hands of the enemy.

Whatever, I'll get it back sooner than... the hell?

...

20 Yard Penalty.

They steal the ball from me, I get a penalty... and then they give me back the ball. Just to make sure this wasn't a glitch, I did it again. Sure enough, another penalty and the ball was mine once again.

So this is nothing like real football. The entire focus is trying to run or pass the ball as far down the field as possible, without running out of time on the timer in the upper right hand corner.



After a few times, I actually made it all the way. It was frustrating, though, considering the enemy runs twice as fast as you do, and almost ALWAYS catch your passes.

I played through this game about three times before putting it down. Honestly, it's not a game that you're going to touch very often. Though I'm sure you could make a drinking game out of it with your buds. But I lacked the booze and buds to test it out with at the time.





The 100 World Story...

You know, for something that is supposed to be 100 worlds, they certainly have a limited selection. By pressing the Start button, I was given the option of 3 missions:

• Dragon Buster
• Treasure
• Princess

Seeing as how I was more adventure driven than secks driven, I opted for the Dragon Buster mission. Then I was prompted to input how many turns. That's it. Turns. No explaination, but a simple question. Screw it, the default is 45 and I'll stick with that for now.

How many players? Geez, is this a pop quiz or something. It didn't let me choose 1, so I chose 2 instead. Didn't have an option. Pain in the butt.

Then the game froze. Black screen and all. It wasn't the emulator, because everything else ran fine. Only the music kept skipping over and over again.

Well, forget this. I'll add some more games to this series once I'm finished scraping the cartridge for this off my boots. Got a mudhole to stomp.

Ok, I'm back. Took forever to get those little gray chips of plastic out of my shoes. But let's get back into what I'm here to do. Review games in which the copyrights make me feel like Father Time.

Ah, Capcom. I love you guys. Seriously.



1942 is your classic flight shooter. You fly around in a plane, shooting at incoming enemy planes while dodging them and their return fire. Most enemies can be destroyed in a single shot, but a select few take more than one.

It's a nice little game for a while, but the levels tend to get repeatitive. The powerups are fairly standard, but were probably a fairly new thing at the time of the game's release. All in all, it's a good introduction for newbies into the world of flight shooters.

Of course, since I'm going in alphabetical order, that brings us to our next game...





Apparently 1943 sold enough copies to allow a sequel to show it's head. Just judging from the title screen, you'll notice two things:

1. There's a password system.

2. It's only 1 player instead of 2.

Anyway, since I don't have any friends, I don't care! Time to play.

So when I start, I get to customize my fighter plane. Increasing it's offensive and defensive capabilities from the get-go. Awesome. Customization, especially from a game released this early on, is a fantastic addition, and the guys at Capcom obviously though this through.

On to gameplay...



The graphics and sound are a definent improvement over the previous game. The plane moves a bit faster, and shoots faster as well. It handles smoothly, without any jerkiness what-so-ever.

One thing I did notice is that you no longer have a set amount of lives. Taking it's place in the lower right hand corner, is an energy counter. This serves two purposes. The first is a life counter, and each hit takes off a chunk of energy. If it reaches zero, and you get hit again, you die and it's Game Over.

The second is the "special attack", which apparently consists summoning lightning to destroy every basic enemy on the screen in a blaze of glory. The pilot of your little plane must be Zeus or something.

It's a fun little game with a password system and continue option for when you die. Could last a flight shooter fan for hours. Too bad I don't have hours to spend. I have more games to review.





I seem to remember this game having a shorter title...

Oh well. I know what you're thinking. "Oh God, this isn't like Rad Racer's '3D', is it?" To answer your question, no it's not. They really did try for a "3D" kind of effect here.

As a little man in green, you run through these 3D environments and attempt to reach the end, all while jumping over pits and avoiding the obstacles/enemies in your way.



As you can see, most of the enemies are fairly cutesy. Slightly disappointing considering the opening sequence showed some kind of floating purple wurm dragon. Another thing that bothered me was the jumping system. The longer you hold down the button, the higher and longer you jump.

But this in itself is a flaw. You can't really tell how wide the holes in the ground are, so if you haven't memorized the level's pattern, you're pretty much screwed.

It was a neat concept, but not enough to last more than a few runs.

Next time, I continue my eternal quest for the seven Drago... oh, wait. Nevermind.

Oh God, I remember this game. It was my first experience with a MIGRAINE. It was so FRUSTRATING. Ugh.

For the sake of the review, I will play my childhood nightmare... again...

720 is a skateboarding game, released way before Tony Hawk's Pro Skater. As such, the controls tended to... suck. Hardcore. You moved the little nameless skater with the D-Pad, pushing it in the direction you wanted to go. The A button caused him to jump, and that's about all the control you had.

In the upper left hand corner, there is a gauge. When this timer/gauge runs out, a group of bees chases your butt down while the words 'Skate or Die' flash at the top of the screen, catches you quickly, and causes you to instantly LOSE. Game over, man! Game over!

There's a number of "mini games" you could play, earning medals and money to buy more upgrades for your guy. I was going to do this, when I came across this little tidbit...



What the hell is that thing?! I decided not to chance it, and turned the console off. Ever seen The Ring? Yeah, never trust something you don't understand that shows up on a television.

Moving on...





I heard good things about 8 Eyes, but never really got the chance to play it until recently. So let's give it a whirl.

Quick side note: Wonder what happened to the company Taxan?

Oh well.

So 8 Eyes answers an interesting question that no one wanted to ask. "What if Castlevania and Megaman decided to have a baby, and give it a dagger to defend itself?"

You'd have 8 Eyes.

It has the stage selection ala Megaman, as well as the creepy castles and such pulled directly from Castlevania. Big problem, though, is the fact that you are armed with a digger, the shortest of short-range weapons.



I'm sure this is a good game in the long run, but as a man who is just running through things right now, I can't focus enough on it. It's a sad rip of Castlevania, and even requires knowing the exact order in which you need to do the levels. Otherwise, you're screwed.

And so completes our review of the numbers. We'll actually be in the alphabet, once we start back up.

man, i love the 1940 etc series of games. Have you tried the newer arcade ones with mame or mame32? Like 19xx and there is another the name escapes me. That and there are A TON of japanese ones. If you don't have the roms/too lazy to look i can send them to ya.

Great stuff. Damn, think I'm going to play them now.

The games you've reviewed so far makes me glad I never owned an NES. Review some more, I'm interested. D:

stamp those monstrositys now!!, Hail the ps1 generation.

Glad you're enjoying this so far. I'm having plenty of fun playing the games!




I know what you're thinking. "That looks a lot like the Indiana Jones symbol." Well, you're right. Hell, even the title music sounds like it. Hello ripoff.

Actually, I had a lot of fun playing this game. You're a boy, you have a blob, and a bag full of jellybeans. By feeding the jellybeans to the blob, he takes a number of shapes and such in accordance to the flavor of the bean.



This was the premiere oddball puzzle game before such a thing ever became a fad. You would run around, collecting treasure, and purchasing more jellybeans while attempting to save some princess blob or something.

I could have played this for a few hours, but I have other games to play as well. It's probably best to move on. Not like it's going anywhere later...





I'm going to be honest with you. The first time I read that title, I could have sworn it said 'Armored Scrotum Object'. But enough about dirty humor, let's get to the game.



A.S.O. was developed by SNK (seeing a pattern?) in 1986. Really, it's just a basic flight shooter. You're in space, you shoot lazers and bombs, you pick up powerups...

But it's got that one powerup that just ticks me off. The 'speed' powerup. I've always despised these, because by the time you're in the rhythm of your speedy ship, you're dead and clunking along again.

The way the game plays out, it just seems like SNK was trying to make a bit of scratch on a certain gaming genre. And sadly, a lot of NES games are like this. But it doesn't overshadow the good games enough to kill the system.





Normally, I'd be over excited about this game just from it's title screen. Cool name, awesome font, and some kind of ooze leaking out. Then I notice it's made by Milton Bradley. Great...



Actually, this game didn't turn out so bad. It's a side scrolling shooter, with powerups and variable weapons. Sound familiar, right? It's kinda like Life Force, especially with all the body part backgrounds and such. I just have no idea what the heck I'm piloting.

You can't tell from the picture (because I died), but it's some kind of yellow robot spacesuit thing with a gun. There's no adjusting to the difficulty either. They just throw everything at you and say good luck. If this was just level 1, I'd hate to see later levels. Yipe.

...the hell?! Who put this on my list?! Well, at least I can read the menu. Maybe it won't be too bad.



So let's see what we have here...

• A Snowman carrying a rope
• A radish with sunglasses
• Pink empty squares
• Angry gray squares

What the hell happened to the kids and ice cream shown on the title screen? Apparently, the objective of the game is to surround the pink squares with the rope, thus turning them into gray squares, while avoiding enemies like the radish.

Yeah, I have no idea what they were smoking while making this game. Obviously, somebody thinks the end of the world starts with Frosty the Snowman, because he's pestering a bunch of blocks with that rope of his. First playable bad guy in NES history? Doubtful.

Well at least the next game can't be any worse. Right? Right?





...God dammit.

For those of you unfamiliar with the infamy of this game, let me spell this out for you. I would rather dive into a pool full of salt and razor blades than play this game. Ever.



Just take a look at the picture above. You recognize something that may be life bars, pictures of people I've never even heard of, a pit to the right, a door to the north... and that's it.

Mind you, I've tried to get through the door. You'd think you could press up and call it good. Nope. A + UP? Nope. B + UP? Nope. Throw the controller against a wall + UP? Nada.

You may be thinking "Well, you haven't read the books so of course you can't play it right." Hate to break it to you. Even people who read the books were like "I paid for this?!"

Let's just put this horror behind us...





Ok, so after the last game, you could see how I'd be a little worried about playing another AD&D game. Well, actually, I know exactly what I'm in for. I used to have this game on my computer way back when I wasn't an old man.



Honestly, I think the name and story of the game are misleading. This is really the NES version of Thief. That's it. All I ever end up doing is walking into houses and stealing everything they got. You're not even really punished for it. Everyone treats you the same once you leave the house.

While I do enjoy looting houses for fun, I think I'll stick with Oblivion for that.

Did every single D&D game for computer get ported to the NES? Oh well. We'll give this a whirl.



Actually, this is the first AD&D game I've played on NES that is based on combat and exploration. To be frank, it feels authentic. Between the combat system shown above and the exploration of the map (which I keep in the overhead map mode to avoid confusion), I actually feel like I'm accomplishing something.

Granted, there are 3 pre-made characters that are already outfitted. But you have to create at least 2 more (party of 5), and when you do they don't have gear. Just gold to purchase gear with. Didn't take me long to find the item shop, though, and everything was cheap 10 Gold for my better equipment, and I started with 300+.

I like how this one balances out. I may do a full report on this one, once I get around to doing such things.





No, my screen shot is not messed up. The title does this weird wavy thing... anyway. Pugsley's Scavenger Hunt. I have not heard many good things about the Addams Family video games. Hell, see Uncle Fester's Quest below. But before I drive this one into the ground, I'll give it a whirl.



Holy crap, it's Super Mario 2! Except instead of throwing stuff at enemies, you're jumping on them like in Super Mario 1. Except the graphics are horrid, there's no music, and every action you take has the exact same sound effect. What is this, Atari?!

You're supposed to be rescuing your family from something or another, but I'm not sure what. It gave me no story when I started. Pugsley was a bad choice for a game, anyway. Should have gone with Wednesday. That would have been awesome.





Oh dear God, no.



Nope. Not touching it. If you want a review of this, I have a link for you.

Angry Video Game Nerd reviews Fester's Quest





This one doesn't even have a subtitle to it. Oh well. Maybe that means it'll focus on the movies a bit more. But the movies really didn't have action to them. They were comedy. This is going to fail, isn't it?



I was surprised to find that this is a fairly standard platformer. Not too difficult, mind you, but one thing that really surprised me is it told me what to do. That way, I knew my mission for the screen I was on, and wouldn't get lost. Graphics seem a lot better than Pugsley, which is funny considering it came out two years before Pugsley did.

All in all, the Addams Family games really shouldn't have been made. When it comes to comedy shows and movies, there's just not enough action to place into a video game. Sorry guys.

Strangely, this was listed on my queue as Adventures on Gilligan's Island, but the title screen only shows Gilligan's Island. Oh well.



This is another one of those comedys that should not have been made into a game. The entire premise is basically a scavenger hunt, attempting to find items and bring them back to a certain location. I originally had Gilligan following me, but he fell in a hole within the first minute or so, and I never saw him again.

It's games like this that cause me to shudder when a license is purchased. Ugh.






Four games, one system. They basically play the same, so we'll just stick all four into this one review. For basic reference, I'll be playing Adventure Island 3.



The Adventure Island series is fantastic. It's a great platforming game with plenty of powerups and enemies. The story and levels are interesting, which keep you playing, and the later games even have dinosaurs you can ride on, each with it's own special abilities.

If you're going to dust off an old NES deck, at least considering playing one of the Adventure Island games. You'll find yourself lost for hours.





Ah, Disney and your shameless plugging. Will your monopoly on entertainment ever end? Probably not.



When Disney is in trouble, they can only rely on one man... THE CROCODILE HUNTER. I kid, but it does kinda look like him, huh? Surprisingly, this game is a pretty fun play. It's divided into 5 minigames and a quiz. The minigames are based off of old rides in the park, including The Haunted Mansion, Autopia, and Space Mountain.

Gameplay switches from twitch gaming to platforming to racing. It gets interesting at some times, and frustrating at others. If you're just looking to kill some time with a bit of variety, and don't mind the obvious Disney plugging at every turn, try it out.

Hey, wanna see something HORRIBLE?

Bayou Billy: The Beginning

Yeah, that was pretty bad, huh? Though I guess most Nintendo commercials were like that.



This is going to be another one of those games that I'm not going to subject myself to. If you want information on this one, listen to him.

SpoonyOne's Bayou Billy Review





I think I had this game on my computer too, but I can't remember it all too well. You know, just by looking at this screen, I know I'm not going to like this game. Let's skip the story and move into the game.



Yep, I've played this before. After this game, I had nightmares about those horrible bluebirds and woodpeckers. Oh, the horror! The horror!

Seriously, who came up with this concept? He's still in his space garb, and I came out of a medieval castle at the beginning of the level. Is this space travel or time travel? And if the birds are flying, there's probably air.





I wasted many an hour on this game, as did my mom. It was frustrating, yet fun. Odd combination, I know.



Hudson seems to have a thing for Cavemen, don't they? This game plays more like a prehistoric version of Ikari Warriors. Though it's not as eye pleasing. And it's got that "speed" powerup. Dammit.







Ah, the Lolo games. Puzzle Perfection at it's finest. Once again, because of the number of games on the system, I'm clustering them together. And as a side note, I'm playing Lolo 2.



Lolo was a fantastic series of puzzles. Each map was more complex than the last, giving an almost never ending challenge. Your mission was to collect all the hearts on the map while avoiding or moving enemies out of your way. Sound simple? It's harder than you think.

Unfortunantly, this puzzler had a simple downfall to it. Replay value. Once you finished a level, you already knew the solution, and they weren't random. But it was a very fun game, and you felt a sense of accomplishment once you beat it.

Dude....you purchased those games?

ZOMG, you had poor taste if so....wtf....

I purchased MOST of them. << >> <<

Another title screen I can't read, huh? The rest of this thing better be legible...



Ok, so it's in english. But to my surprise, this is Dragon Warrior in disguise. I'm serious. Everything about this game SCREAMS Dragon Warrior to me. Even the combat system!

If I want to play Dragon Warrior, I'd play Dragon Warrior. Moving on...





Oh God, I'm having flashbacks of Captain Comic...



Yep. Same game, different pixels.

NEXT!





Someone call Chris Hansen. My childhood has been raped.



You know, after getting my butt handed to me by a mouse I don't even recognize, I gave up. This isn't even worth my time.





Geez, how many of these games start with the word 'Adventures'?



So you're a kid falling asleep in class, head against what I'm assuming is a copy of Tom Sawyer. In your dream, you're the kid and you're dodging... Seagulls and Barrels? Don't seem to remember that part.





The last of the 'Adventures' games. Thank God. I see the tunnel at the end of the crap road...



Big steaming pile of Zelda clone crap. Nuff said.