Yes, the review topic detailing all the games you've already played. Since, I like reviewin' games, and, don't necessarily have enough pocket shrapnel on hand to buy the new games as they come out, I tend to review games as I play them, which, works against me; by the time I get my hands on new titles, they're already several months (maybe years) old.

So, let's look over, say.........I dunno, Bioshock.


Bioshock, for, those of you who don't know, was the recently released, story driven, single-player FPS juggernaut that took both the game review and game buyer world by storm. But, why? It had no multiplayer modes, no, scantily-clad wiminz, no cyborgs in giant, green armor. In fact, on the surface, it's quite bare, feature wise, it only presents to you a story mode with three static difficulties, and about 50 easily achievable achievements, most of them tied to story-related events, and mundane things such as upgrading your character.

But, where Bioshock succeeds, is, story-telling. This sucker is atmospheric, immersive, and best of all, it makes you think.

What was that? A game, a mere vidya gaem, that most evil of CD's in plastic cases, actually presents to you a gripping, morality-influencing story that certainly puts any recent film attempt at storytelling to utter, irrevocable shame? Well, cut yourself in half, and call yourself a Munchkin, it's finally been done.

Bioshock firmly plants you in a world influenced by the works of author Ayn Rand, George Orwell, and any four controversial writers you care to mention. In the underwater, broken Utopia of Rapture, you control a man who seems to have only been put in his situation by mere chance, and his actions, contrived entirely from his own will. A man named Atlas offers to help you through the nightmare you're in. You accept, thinking you'll just help him till you can get a ride back to the surface of the ocean.

It seems pretty ordinary at first, but, as the tale evolves, you'll find out it's much, much more than you thought it was. The excellent storytelling is supplemented by the extensive character customization, by gene upgrades called Plasmids, which supply to you various attacks and powers, such as shooting flames from your hands, or mind-controlling the giant Big Daddies, which grace the game's cover with all their hulking, menacing, glory.

The gameplay itself is barely above-average; it's fun, but, even with it's multiple ammo types, impressive and useful weapon upgrades, and extensive character customization, it just feels kinda, been there, might not have done this, if you can follow that. However, the story and atmosphere more than make up for it; this is both an FPS that will appeal to the 40-hour game, RPG crowd, and a story that will grace the brains of even the most ADD-addled, crack addict Halo player.

Hello, once again, and welcome, welcome, to Out-of-Date Reviews, your KAF-approved vessel for all things old, video game-like, and reviewed. This week, let's tackle Kane & Lynch: Dead Men, from Eidos and io Interactive, the creators of the venerable Hitman series.

The first thing you'll probably notice about KL:DM is it's two titular heroes, the merc Kane, and the psychotic Lynch. They're not nice people, but, they DO make damn good characters, and throughout playing, you'll notice they delve into realistic conversations, speak foul language, but, not in excess, a nice touch, and generally ooze personality - these characters have soul. An ugly one, but, a soul, nonetheless.

The second thing you'll notice, is KL:DM's gameplay. If you've ever played Gears of War, you'll probably be feeling a bit of deja vu. Is this bad? No. Is this original? No.

So, what's wrong with it, you ask? Well, numerous, small things. Besides Kane, and Lynch, none of the other characters are that memorable; even now, I'm having trouble remembering the name of the three characters that accompany you throughout the latter half of the game, or, even some of the primary villain names. This isn't a huge issue, but, it detaches from the game's immersion factor, and, makes it feel simply like a game, nothing spectacular.

The AI isn't anything to brag about either, it's, not bad, but, not particularly good. Your teammates are pretty good about healing you up when enemies manage to down you, but, was it really smart for them to run into the middle of the sea of machine-gun rounds that probably dropped you? Nope. The hit detection, like in Hitman, can get funky too, I was not aware bank security guards could survive a point-blank shotgun blast to the face, but, now I know, in case I ever plan a future heist.

The final verdict? Kane & Lynch is an enjoyable, somewhat flawed, game. It delivers bouts of intense, fast-paced action, and has an above-average story, though, I wish to god they spent a little more time fleshing out the minor characters, villains, and even poor ol' Lynch.

Rent it for a weekend, see if you like it. If you really, really like first or third person shooters, though, and need a lil' somethin' to fill time between Halo matches, pick up Kane & Lynch used at your local game store. It'll be a fine addition to your collection, and the co-op and multiplayer makes up for the single player's faults.

I like bioshock and strongly dislike kane and lynch,but can we talk about better titles like assasin's creed,mass effect(really good game),and my all time favorite obilivion and call of duty modern warfare.

I strongly respect your opinion, good sir, but I made this thread primarily so I could review, and talk, about games I've actually bought.

And since you're relatively new to this board, I'll just inform you that the likelihood of me buying any of those games, save for CoD 4 is very small indeed.

AND IN DAT CASE

Yes, the return of the Out-of-Date reviews, and this week, or, the end of this week, I'm gonna have a little chat about the Orange Box, Valve's Somewhat Recent compilation of it's recent, and in the case of Episode 1 and Half-life 2, not AS recent hits.

Since, I'm assuming you've heard about Half-life 2, and Episode 1, and since I don't have the capability to properly review Team Fortress 2 (though, it's Team Fortress, it has to be good), I'm gonna just lead you through Episode 2, and Portal.

Episode 2 starts, at what I'm assuming to be several hours after Episode 1 ended. You are Gordon Freeman, action hero, mute, and sometimes physicist, who wields a shotgun in one hand, and a physics-defying widget in the other.

Now, honestly, I could take the pragmatic approach, and simply tell you it's a lot like any other game with Half-life 2 pasted on the front of it's title. It is. But, let's be honest with ourselves for a minute, Half-Life 2 is good. Real good.

And this latest installment really doesn't disappoint either. Same mix of intense fighting, same bouts of "ah-ha!" physics puzzles, really, there's nothing new to say about it, except, give it a play.

Now, Portal. Poooooortal. This, folks, is the game that took the internet by storm. You'd have to be living under a rock not to have at least heard of GLaDoS, or the weighted companion cube. Many people have said it to be good. I've had several people tell me I need to play it.

I've played it. The verdict?

I desperately wish I could've had those three hours of my life back.

I know, I've just committed some sort of internet heresy, and, I've probably destroyed any apparent credibility I had, as a video game player, an, if it was up to most internet denizens, I'd probably be dead. And, by all means, I support your decision to hate me.

But, no matter how hard I played Portal, how much I tried to find enjoyment in it, it escaped me. I tried to laugh at GLaDoS' lines, I really did. Some were mildly funny, but, I wasn't "rofl'ing" like people seem to think I should've.

I tried developing an attachment to the Companion Cube, but, despite my efforts, it only remained a motionless cube to me, and when asked to destroy it, I did without a second thought.

So, my question is, what makes this game genius, to, pretty much everyone else on the planet? I'm not trying to diss the game to be different from everyone else, but, it truly escapes me as to why people love the game so much. Some would say it's too intellectual for me, I suppose. I could back that up, I mean, virtually the only genre of games I play are shooters of some sort.

I suppose what killed Portal for me may've been the hype that surrounded it. Everyone who had a 360, that I knew, badgered me about playing the game, magazines I bought praised it unanimously, and when I turned my system on, and played it, I tried desperately to like it, I really did, but, nothing Portal threw at me struck me as clever, innovative, or, well, fun.

I guess I'm just stupid.

I'm all the way with you on half life episode 1 and 2 I've played them both all I can say is how unfreakin believeable the overall game is to me its better than Mass Effect(you got to play that trust me worth every cent of your money)that I'm still tryin to achieve lv.60 powergamer on it(I'm on lv.58).As for portal I heard many good things about it ,but personally I think they gave it to much hype.Team fortress is as you probably already know funny and has great multiplayer modes(especially x-box live).

One more thing if you buy your games from Gamestop I have a full proof plan that can get you games for literally free(trust me its not stealing)If you follow my plan you could literally review most of the best games for free.I do it and been dying to share my sage knowledge to my superior in the soul society.

I'm fine, thank you, really. I prefer just buying games, and keeping them, like normal human beings.

I'm not out to review the latest games, I'm out to give a second look on games that have been played already.

I understand I just never told someone how to get free games because I'm doin it to much myself(mostly played the whole xbox 360 collection),but I strongly respect your answer,but if you ever want to hear this for future prefence you know who to talk to(don't have to use might come in handy).

Now (form now on I will talk about the games that I keep)did you ever play and review God of war 2?